You students are psychotic. (or 14w posts quotes from Gossip Girl)

fourteenwings

This thread is for posting some of the most quotable moments I jotted down while watching Gossip Girl. Lacking in hindsight, I didn't properly attribute them to anyone when they were said, but when I do remember who said it I'll put the name and context in brackets.

Without further ado, here we go~

(Nate's grandfather, about his father's fraud charges) All he had to do was put on a suit, sit behind a desk and not get arrested.
(Serena, to Blair, after a pregnancy scare) I'm so happy! I'd have had no idea what to wear to a paternity hearing.
(Nellie Yuki) All I want is to be alone and to never listen to Flo-Rida ever again.
(Serena, about a boy she's seeing) The lifeguard's got a Camaro. And not in an ironic 'I've got a Camaro' way...
(Blair, to Serena, about their respective images) I'm sick of looking like Darth Vader next to Sunshine Barbie.
(Serena, to Eric, about their mother Lily's third husband, who was a Qatari oil baron) I know I enjoyed our brief conversion to Islam.
(Blair, to Serena) He's hot and you actually like him!... how often do you find that in the same guy.
(????) We have to do something that is not illegal.
(Lily, about party food) Nobody is comforted by a tuna tower.
(Serena, to Blair) We don't want your obit to say you died in Brooklyn.

fourteenwings

(Blair, to somebody) "Good" is subjective, you can look it up.
(Chuck, about Nate) His password has been "soccer" since the fifth grade.
(Eric, to Jenny) I liked my social grave. I dug it myself and I was happy to lie in it.
(Dan, to Blair) I didn't realize a whole neighbourhood could be over.
(Serena, to Dan) When people step outside of their relationship for a thrill, it's usually not alone. In the dark.
(Gossip Girl) Sometimes we don't know where we've draw the lines until we cross them.
(Gossip Girl, about Jenny's fashion show) Some people think that when the party ends, the night's over. But it's when the lights come up again when the real trouble begins.
(Nate, to someone, about the Archibald family's annual flag football game) Thanks to last year's 'The Longest Yard' my knee can now predict the weather.
(Blair, to someone) By the way how do you find having a sibling? Someone whose sole purpose is to try and wrench away your parents love and affection?

BONUS:

Ever since I started rewatching Gossip Girl, I've found that a lot of the supporting actors in it showed up in a bunch of other things I've watched. This is funny because most of the main cast bar Kelly Rutherford have kind of gone into a weird obscurity (or their pilots just never worked out). Blake Lively has kind of made a name for herself basically playing Serena Van der Woodsen in real life (on red carpets and in magazines).

It all came to a head yesterday, when Jack Bass showed up on my TV show as Sherlock Holmes' new secret-serial killer bestie on my other favorite American show, Elementary.

So here goes Gossip Girl; Your Supporting Cast Is Everywhere I Look:

• Kelly Rutherford: Guest starred on Stephanie Savage's new CW show Dynasty and is now a main cast member on Pretty Little Liars: Freeform Needs The Ratings The Perfectionists, debuting next year. Can't seem to escape her "subete ga kazoku no tame ni"* characterization.
• Connor Paolo: Went from hyper-rich to modest means as a main character on Revenge.
• Desmond Harrington: Still a monster, but gained a bit of sincerity as a main cast member on the sixth season of Elementary.
• Katie Cassidy and Willa Holland: Immediately 180d and got new CW jobs on Arrow.
• Robert John Burke: Became an IPP officer and Olivia's love interest on Law and Order: SVU.
• Sofia Black D'Elia: Was cast on a CW show I don't even remember the name of that sounded like a ripoff on Sense8. I tried to like it entirely because she was in it, it didn't work.
• Sheila Kelley, who played the equal parts devious and idiotic Carol Rhodes, who was grand-master of the Charlotte-is-Ivy-is-Charlie-But-is-Really-Lola plan, had a brief stint recently as a coffee shop staffer on The Good Doctor.
• Sherri Saum played the crazy lady who William blackmails into lying about sleeping with Rufus so he can win back Lily, and she went on to play lesbian super-mom Lena Foster on The Fosters and she did a bit of a guest role on Law and Order: SVU as a brothel madam!
• This one I find particularly hilarious; Caitlin Fizterald played Epperly, who was Dan and Blair's boss at Vanity Fair. Last year, she played as the genderswapped Elon Musk Batchelorette on UnREAL... named Serena!

*[T/N Note: Super-bad Japanese for "Everything for the family."].

fourteenwings

(Gossip Girl) They say there are no accidents; sometimes reality just comes crashing into us.
(Blair, about Nate, who had literally never stepped onto campus and never did after this aside from a lacrosse match in the park) Actually I have a friend who goes to Columbia, but I don't think he attends that many classes.
(Gossip Girl, about William fake-drugging Lily) Sometimes the wrong prescription is just what the doctor ordered.
(Rufus, about the woman William paid to say she slept with Rufus to Lily) I'm sorry I had no idea she was an insane person.
(Dan) Of course Blair lied to you, she's a liar.
(Serena, probably to Nate at Blair's 18th birthday party) Look at me and recite The Gettysburg Address.
(Vanessa, to Dan) Is it possible that the Upper East Side is contagious?
(????) Maybe you can tell him the new tradition is being truthful about the origin of thanksgiving dessert.
(Dan, to Blair) We're fugitives; we're taking the bus.
(Nate's mother, to Nate, about his parents impending divorce) The truth is I need [a social life] more than I need your father.
I mean who eats unsolicited desserts?
(Blair and Dan) You do often seem cursed./I do, don't I?
(Blair, to her boss at Vanity Fair) Did you join a cult in Bali?

fourteenwings

(Dan) Uh, yeah; that sounds totally made up.
(Gossip Girl) The only thing thicker than blood is the ink on Page 6.
(Dan, to Blair) So this is all for the benefit of the good people of the Principality of Monaco?
(Serena) What is your secret and if it's legal, I want some.
(Blair, to Dan) Put your giant intellect aside and just focus with me on wish fulfillment.
(Somebody to Dan, about his new book) At least this time it's because they hate you and not because they don't know you exist.
(Blair, being gaslit about her upcoming bridal shower) Casual? Jeans OK? /E-vite/?
(Somebody about a royal family story) These stories are made up to sell papers to women who collect ceramic cats.
(Blair, to Dan) Who doesn't keep a silk blindfold in their bedside table?
(Serena, to Dan) If you want the world to think you're doing something you have to do it on Madison Avenue.
(Nate, to his cousin Trip) We both know there's not enough of grandfather's love to go around.
(Lily, to her sister Carol, who claims the Van der Woodsens are toxic) Running from people who would take in your fake daughter as or own?
(Serena, to her mother, at her grandmother's pre-planned funeral) And those are our mourners chairs; where we will sit and mourn because this is an Irish wake.
(Lily, about Carol) Tell Larissa to count the silver, right away!
(Somebody to Chuck) What if you spend the rest of your days wondering why you didn't stop her from falling into the arms of that flanneled poseur?

fourteenwings

(Blair, to someone) I put my extensive knowledge of priviledge fully at your disposal.
(Lily, about Ivy) We do not negotiate with terrorists; especially ones from Florida.
(Dan, about a fight Lily and Rufus are having) Shouldn't you be forgiving each other right now in the midst of a teary embrace?
(Lily, trying to worm her way back into Rufus' heart) It seems I've made too much salad... fine I had it delivered.
(Dorota, about Gossip Girl Serena ver.) Ms. Serena hiding in room all day like blonde Unibomber.
(Blair) Don't you know me? I love reading bad things about my friends. It's the only thing that makes me feel better about myself.
(Blair, to Chuck) This is my cipher slide... don't you have one?
(Blair, to Chuck, in the same conversation as the quote from before) There was a brief period in the third grade when I suspected my mother was reading my diary; measures had to be taken.
(Blair, about Lola) And Nate, and Serena and Serena-lite.
(Blair, to Lola and Ivy) You think this is the first time I've entrapped someone with *prostitutes*?
(Blair, to Serena) You would have been proud... if you liked either of them.
(Nate, about Lola's new acting gig) Swing? Is that a part or a prop?

A while ago I learned Blair's mother was recast from the pilot. I honestly never noticed.

fourteenwings

(Gossip Girl) That's the problem with hired help; they'll work for anyone.
(Blair's mother, speaking about her daughter's maturityI suppose it's the divorce, and all the other mistakes you've already made.
(Rufus, to Bart, about Lily) I should have known you'd lure her here. How'd you do it? Sob story? Diamond necklace?
(Bart, to Chuck, about Chuck's 'business prowess')The most you've done is use my money to redecorate.
Nothing like a scornched lover to scortch the Earth.
(Georgina, to Dan) You shouldn't be creating in a workshop. You're not an Elf.
(Chuck, about Bart) Before he... how do I put this delicately? Fake died.
(Chuck, to a translator from Dubai, about Georgina) Maybe you could translate for me; do you speak unstable psychopath?
(Blair) We're never going to discover Serena's secrets in her /loufa/.
(Rufus, about Lily's many husbands) I guess I was Serena's dad longer than... anyone else.
(Blair, referencing a movie her actress was in) Serena is /not/ [Country Strong].
(Sage, to Nate) You look really hot in the picture; who cares what it says?
(Serena, to Blair) You get to ruin my future to sell dresses?
(Dan, to Lily and Bart) Aren't you two supposed to be on some white sand beach where nobody pays capital gains tax?
(Ivy) Am I the only one who didn't study Byzantine warfare?

Aaaand that's it. Quotes from all six seasons about random stuff.

Nate Archibald is part of the real life Van der Bilt family on his mother's side (Wikipedia). As one of it's two male heirs, he frequently finds himself at odds with his cousin Trip because of their interfering and manipulative grandfather.

That's not the only real life family in the Gossip Girl series. Eric's on-again/off-again boyfriend Jonathan Whitney also references a real family (Wikipedia). It's funny, because in Dan's novel Inside Nate and Eric are conflated into one character called Derrick and he dates the fictional version of Jonathan Whitney, this turning them into a quasi-(quasi?)-real-life power couple.