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When the girl you like is with another man
Feels bad, man.
I've got a few principles. One of them is to put others before myself -
STOP LAUGHING, IT'S TRUE!
GUYS LISTEN, DON'T GO AWAY!
Okay, IN REAL LIFE, I usually put others before myself. I let people merge in front of me on the highway. I help babysit my neighbor's kids, and I never ask for a reward. I give money to charity. I do volunteer work at Habitat for Humanity, children's theaters, animal shelters and farms. I even help garden at times.
And here's the big thing: if I like a girl, I'm terrified of being selfish and making my feelings for her HER problem. If said girl is in a relationship already, my fear of causing drama becomes so great that I have trouble even being around them.
But now, I've met this fantastic, creepy, beautiful young woman for whom I'd gladly set my hair on fire, and even though I know that she's already in a relationship, I'm tempted to press the issue. As young men in the Middle Ages would say, I'd court the living fuck out of her. But it's against my principles, and it's driving me nuts.
Comments
> creepy
Why would you like this?
> court the living fuck out of her
I see this is the new "FUCK the SHIT out of her".
>I see this is the new "FUCK the SHIT out of her".
No, man. Nothing can replace that.
Let me put it this way: she almost never talks, loves bladed weapons, moves around quickly and quietly, and is really skinny. And she looks a lot like Alice from Alice: Madness Returns, except she wears regular clothes.
I'll try suppressing how I feel until I know more. It's tough, though.
A man can only dream.
Although I think that the root cause of her creepiness is shyness, not psychosis. The first time I tried to talk to her (nothing special, just a few pleasantries) I got the impression that she's afraid of people she doesn't know, and is uncomfortable in social gatherings. Which is something I completely empathize with.
I'm trying. I'm hoping that I can get her and one or two mutual friends together to watch something like Howl's Moving Castle or Spirited Away. Or maybe the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, although she told me that she memorized the dance, so I think she's probably already seen all the episodes.
We've got almost everything in common. We both like fantasy and good anime. We like sword fighting. We share some good friends. I'm just afraid that I'll say or do something stupid. Being around her makes me stupid.
I've started doing that. A couple of our mutual friends have decided to help me out by gathering intelligence, initiating covert operations, a few key assassinations and some counter-terrorism work.
The real danger of having a conversation with her is that I'm just as shy as she is, and she doesn't talk about herself. If I'm talking to her, and she doesn't speak, and she still has that same sad half-smile on her face, then I don't know whether I'm being charming or offensive or funny or whatever. I've got an Autism spectrum condition - it's a minor case, and I've worked hard at correcting my behavior over the years - but I have difficulty interpreting facial expressions and other nonverbal cues, and it still gives me trouble sometimes. With her, I have literally no idea what she's thinking.
Start small. step it up a step at a time. If she's not talking to you or if you or she is making encounters awkward, take a small break.
Good advice.
I'm going to need it.
Oh, and I'll need Kevlar, too.
Pretty much the only thing I know about her boyfriend is that he helped her move in at the beginning of last year. I haven't seen him around, or heard her mention him, even though I think he only lives a few miles away.
The thing is, though, that this girl is not drawing a crowd, so to speak. While I'm absolutely crazy about her, and think she's beautiful, mysterious, intriguing and intelligent, when she's in the room I'm the only one who notices her, or even remembers that she was there. If this guy is attracted to her for the same reasons that I am, then wishing that she'd break up with him is a purely selfish gesture on my part. My feelings for her and my time are about all I can give, and if he can give her the same thing and more, then I'd be a bad choice for her. And I don't want her to be unhappy.
Suddenly I feel really hypocritical for making fun of all those sappy love songs.
When is this ever not the case? Huh?
Worst thing is... pretty much every girl I've ever seriously liked got a boyfriend AFTER I'd concluded they already had one (i.e. if I had a chance at all, I lost it without knowing I had it), have found themselves to be happy with said boyfriends (respectively) ...... and worst of all... the boyfriends in question, in each case, turned out to be decent guys that I couldn't hate even if I wanted to.
So I gave up the game completely and have been devoid of human company since.
Anyway... the bird of your dreams sounds right nifty.
My advice... is to maintain a reasonable distance and wait.... circle like a vulture, but subtley. A vulture of subtlety. The moment things have gone sour between them... swoop down and court the fuck out of her.