My ass is scaring the customers

Hatter

I work in landscaping. Today was one of my days off. Out of the goodness of my heart, I volunteered to do some weeding for my friend and neighbor, who is trying to sell her house. Because I knew an open house was going to happen, I wore khakis, my nice belt and a good college T-shirt that I knew wouldn't be offensive. I didn't bring music, I didn't sing any songs, and my only tool was something I could sit down on while I worked, so I wouldn't show my ass crack.

Apparently, this was not enough. After about an hour of me working in the hot sun, the realtor came by, smiling one of those soulless grins, and, after I made some pleasant small talk, said this:

"Might I offer a suggestion? Maybe you should work facing the house, so that when you bend down we don't see your crack. It's scaring the clients. Sorry, I had to think of a nice way to say it." Then she turned and went back into the air conditioned house to eat cookies and crackers.

Sadly, she went fairly quickly, so I didn't have the chance to offer my apologies. I'm so sorry my ass isn't picturesque enough. I'm so sorry that, as a member of the homo sapiens species, my posterior naturally protrudes when I am BENDING OVER IN THE DIRT FOR SOMEONE'S BENEFIT. I'm sorry that I had to make you walk thirty feet outside and waste yo' time on a po' boy who just tryin' ter please da masta. Oh, was that not PC? Sorry, my ass crack distracted me for a second. With this guy's ass, anything can happen.

Fuck realtors.

GLORIOUSLeader

Solution: Become Kim Kardashian.

/thread 

Vivi

Sometimes I do this on purpose to see if someone will say something. They never have. But I've caught stares.

GLORIOUSLeader

That's because you're a girl, and all men are perverts. 

Vivi

I'm secretly Kim Kardashian.

/thread

Hatter

Eww.