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My standards for girlfriend material are too low

HatterHatter
edited 2011-07-05 22:48:29 in General
Glaives are better.

Prerequisites for Hatter's Waifu:

* No lower than a 5, no higher than a 7. I get tongue-tied around pretty girls.

* Preferably awkward and gangly, but stocky girls are fine too. And I like girls who are sort of in between.

* Not insane, or, if insane, is insane in the quirky and adventurous sense typically seen on sitcoms and British sci-fi shows.

* Possesses a pulse (waived in the case of undead girls, girls with multiple hearts or incorporeal females)

* Is fun to be around.



...I have bad standards.

Comments

  • DonZabuDonZabu
    I don't keep a checklist. What works, works. What doesn't, doesn't.
  • HatterHatter
    Glaives are better.

    This is why I carry around a clipboard and pen with me at all times, so I can interrogate potential mates on the go. If they pass, I mark "BANGABLE" on their application, then procure from them their fax number so I can send over a list of the positions I won't do, and my payment plan. 

    I haven't had any takers yet. But I'm working on it!

  • BlackHumorBlackHumor
    You definitely have bad standards, but they're not low.
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
    Sanity is a rare quality. I can't really think of an example of someone with perfect mental health.
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    edited 2011-07-06 01:58:09
    You can change. You can.
    As sanity is just a legal term rather than a medical term, then I beg to differ.
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    Your grasp of terminology may be impeccable, but that sentence should not have the word "then"!
  • MillerCrossMillerCross
    You can change. You can.
    I'm deeply sorry for my non-grammar skills. 

    BRB killing myself by swallowing a cynide pill and hanging myself with a rube goldberg thingie so I get a shoutgun shooting at my head as I'm hanging myself.

    Should be fun.
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    I think that middle sentence needs some commas. Perhaps it should be multiple sentences.
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
    For fuck's sake.


    FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

    Words can have multiple, context-dependent meanings, you know. 

    Guilty is a legal term as well, but I'll be fucked if I say that I "feel guilty" and people assume that I mean that I feel as though the legal system has determined that I have committed a crime after due process of law.
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    Gelzo, on the other hand, has brilliant grammar.
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
    Tempted to take the compliment, but that seems a little too close to prescriptivism for my liking. Besides, there's a certain charm to run-on sentences, and it's not as though Juan's was hard to understand.
  • MadassAlexMadassAlex
    One foot in front of the other, every day.
    Pssst, I am riling Juan up, please do not interfere.
  • GelzoGelzo
    Pony Sleuth
    Sorry. Too tired to detect trolling right now.
  • InsanityAddictInsanityAddict
    Diet NEET

    Meh, your standards are pretty generic. Nothing wrong with being open to more people, since you usually find out whether it would work or not only by hanging out with someone over a longer period. 

    Does insane basically mean unresolved emotional baggage? That's not always a dealbreaker, unless you don't think of yourself as equipped to deal with it.

  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    I tried making a checklist and quickly realized that I frequently contradicted it.  So I decided that that was a silly idea.
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