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Goddamn dogs

HatterHatter
edited 2011-07-31 20:35:30 in General
Glaives are better.

I went over to a friend's house this morning.

She has dogs.

Dog A is a sweet, if hyperactive Belgian shepherd.

Dog B is Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.

They immediately went berserk upon seeing me, with Dog B whipping Dog A into a frenzy with his shouts and the jiggling of his massive canine balls. Dog B tried to eat my arm, at which point Dog A started trying to dance. Fortunately, Dog B was not as horny as last time I visited, and didn't try to ejaculate all over my pants.

Dog B, I was told, had gone simultaneously deaf and senile in the time I'd been away. Dog B punctuated this revelation by literally tearing apart his own mattress before seeking other things to destroy. Later he attempted to act "cute" by making a sound akin to the stopping of a freight train on a rusty track. My ears still hurt from this.

Goddamn dogs.

Comments

  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Dog B is Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.


    Can dogs even be racist?
  • HatterHatter
    Glaives are better.
    Yes.
  • ForzareForzare
    Till shade is gone, till water is gone, into the Shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with the last breath, to spit in Sightblinder’s eye on the last Day.
    Can dogs even be racist?

    Do cats count as a race?
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Aren't they a genus? 
  • HatterHatter
    Glaives are better.
    Felis catus is a species.
  • GLORIOUSLeaderGLORIOUSLeader
    When in Turkey, ROCK THE FUCK OUT
    Then I suppose the answer is yes. 
  • CrimsonCrimson
    Give us fire! Give us ruin! Give us our glory!
    In the next episode of "Hatter Vs Wild": Hatter gets attacked by a thousand strong swarm of Howler Monkeys. Will he survive? Tune in next week on IJBM!
  • delta534delta534
    Tech support
    Hatter what did you do to piss off mother nature.
  • HatterHatter
    Glaives are better.
    A lot of things.
  • ChagenChagen
    [tɕagɛn]
    "In the next episode of "Hatter Vs Wild": Hatter gets attacked by a thousand strong swarm of Howler Monkeys. Will he survive? Tune in next week on IJBM!"

    Please tell me I'm not the only person who would watch this.
  • CounterclockCounterclock
    Belief
    Monkeys is jumping the shark.

    Angry snapping turtles is Hatter's next foe.
  • HatterHatter
    Glaives are better.
    I think it all began when I was ten. I single handedly drove the beetle population around my house to near extinction, and when they died from gladiatorial combat I impaled their bodies on toothpicks, as a warning to other insects. Later, I tried to flush a giant spider out of my wall with a hose, but I ended up just getting soaked.
  • glennmagusharveyglennmagusharvey
    edited 2011-07-31 21:39:51
    Creature - Florida Dragon Turtle Human
    > Please tell me I'm not the only person who would watch this.

    I would.

    > Later, I tried to flush a giant spider out of my wall with a hose, but I ended up just getting soaked.

    WMG: The spider has plotted revenge.
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